Too much to ask for?

photo cred: https://www.facebook.com/TheIDEAlistRevolution

I know there is value in work. And I truly do want to work. But is it too much to ask that my work be something I enjoy and am passionate about, and that it offers me the opportunity to learn and to be creative? And to travel? 

Really. People do find jobs they love that provide outlets for learning and creativity and travel. I need to muster all my courage to believe that I can find a job like this. It won't be easy, but it will be life-giving, and I haven't felt that feeling in years. 

Courage

photo credit: http://tinyurl.com/ahrl4t7

I haven't read it (yet), but today I came across a book called "The Courage to Write: How Writers Transcend Fear." I should probably read it. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to write. My dream is to write a book worthy of being published. But I am afraid. Of putting my words out there for public critique. Of sharing my heart with the world. Of offending people who do not share my beliefs or opinions. Of being vulnerable. 

At one point this fear had such a grip on me that I suffered from writer's block for more than a year. But God has not given me a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7), and I don't want to let fear hold me back from realizing my dreams and, perhaps, sharing something valuable with the world. 

Katherine Anne Porter called courage "the first essential" for a writer. 

"I have to talk myself into bravery with every sentence," agreed Cynthia Ozick, 

"sometimes every syllable." E. B. White said he admired anyone 

who "has the guts to write anything at all."

An author who has taught writing for more than thirty years, 

Ralph Keyes assures readers that anxiety is felt by writers at every level 

and can be harnessed to produce honest and disciplined work.

- http://www.amazon.com/Courage-Write-Writers-Transcend-Fear/dp/0805074678

http://www.ralphkeyes.com/courage-to-write/

Professors often tell me they want to hear more of my voice in my writing. It is true that my voice wants to hide behind citations because they give it credibility. How do I gather the courage to believe that my voice is credible on its own? They say, "write what you know." No one can argue with my own lived experience, I suppose. I haven't made any resolutions for the new year yet, but this would be a good one: to trust my competence as a writer and have the courage to let my voice be heard. It just may be that I have something valuable to say.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all. From now on you'll be traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be. The key is to allow yourself to make the journey."
- Edward Renaldi, The Princess Diaries

meaning and purpose

From the syllabus for this semester's Community Development class:

“Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.” - Victor Frankl

 Indeed.

My heart's still beating

Awakening - Switchfoot

These dreams started singing to me out of nowhere 
And in all my life I 
Don't know that I've ever felt so alive, 
Alive

I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want know that my heart's still beating
I want to live like I know what I'm leaving
It's beating, it's beating

Wrote Martha an email a couple weeks ago: "dreaming." Now it looks like my dream will come true. My heart is still beating. The part of me that felt dead the last 4 years is still alive, and I feel alive again. 

Kazakhstan for my 30th birthday. 

I'm back.

Let justice and praise become my embrace

From the Inside Out – Hillsong United

A thousand times I've failed

Still your mercy remains

And should I stumble again

Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart and my soul, I give You control

Consume me from the inside out Lord

Let justice and praise become my embrace

To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains

The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart, my soul, Lord I give you control

Consume me from the inside out Lord

Let justice and praise become my embrace

To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise

From the inside out, O my soul cries out

My Soul cries out to You

My Soul cries out to You

to You, to You

My heart, my soul, Lord I give you control

Consume me from the inside out Lord

Let justice and praise become my embrace

To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise

From the inside out, O my soul cries out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise

From the inside out, O my soul cries out

From the inside out, O my soul cries out

From the inside out, O my soul cries out.