A good job. But not one you thought you'd have... not where you thought you'd be. And you don't want to be ungrateful. Or greedy. But you know what else is out there and you wonder how you ended up here. And why? You think you know your heart... and you just aren't sure this is it.
Where you are supposed to be.
But you're not sure it's not, either. And you start to wonder why you can't just be happy with where you are. It's actually a really good place to be. Why does your heart feels like it's missing something? What is it? How did all those past experiences lead to this? Is this it? If it is, why doesn't it feel that way?
It's been a year at World Vision. There are Ladybugs I love, who love me. An amazing core group. Seattle friends. Even people who have recently told me they admire and look up to me. That I did not expect. Why, then, do I still feel like something is missing? It has been nagging at me for months. Probably years. I can't shake it and I can't figure it out. Something has to give soon because I don't know how much more of this I can take.
Sometimes I wish I could turn off my brain.
