Still have a reason to sing

Before the Morning - Josh Wilson

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you?
If there’s a God who loves you, where is He now?

Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending

Someday, somehow, you’ll see, you’ll see

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on, 'cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time, but you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory

It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh, the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

Be in me the strength to let go

I have known this song for years. This particular Starfield album, for me, has particular conotations because it was given to me by a friend right after my mom died and before I spent some time traveling in Serbia in 2006. I listened to it over and over on my ipod, staring out bus windows at fields in rural Serbia. I know this song by heart, but when it came on this evening, it was like I heard it for the first time. I realized I had never really heard the words before. Maybe they just have new significance to me now. So many themes have repeated over the past weeks:

Truth
Light
Peace
Open your eyes
If you want peace, work for justice (have mercy)

And my constant plea: Rescue me from dissatisfaction and indecision. Guide me. Lead me to the place You want me.

God, thank you for never giving up on me. For reminding me of lessons I have already learned and forgotten. For revealing new wisdom to me each day. For helping me understand more about Your character, who You are. I pray that You would lead me. Open my eyes and help me listen. Break me - remove my plans and the barriers that keep me from surrendering to Your will. Take away this burden, Father. Rescue me from this striving. Birth in me Your hope, Your peace. Set me free to do Your will. Give me Your ears to hear, Your eyes to see the need. Place in me a heart of mercy and a desire to meet the needs I see. Mold me in Your nature. May Your beauty be found through me. May You be glorified through this life.


Love Break Me - Starfield

Mark me with Your grace
Shape me in Your wisdom
Place in me a heart
Of mercy
Open up my eyes
Let me see Your glory
Lead me to the place
You want me

Love, break me now
Strip me down
May Your beauty
Deep inside of me resound
Through me be found
Come break me now

Guide me in Your truth
Mold me in Your nature
Birth in me a hope
To hold on
Show me how to wait
Teach me how to listen
Be in me the strength
To let go
Break me now...

Love, hear my plea
Rescue me, bring Your peace
I have come to You on bended knee
I'm desperate for Your breath in me
Your ears to hear, Your eyes to see
Set me free, come set me free

Like rain flowing over me...

and then life happens...

Sometimes you think you have plans... But God has other plans. Not that He tells you what they are. and then life happens... and you find yourself in a 40-hour-a-week job.
A good job. But not one you thought you'd have... not where you thought you'd be. And you don't want to be ungrateful. Or greedy. But you know what else is out there and you wonder how you ended up here. And why? You think you know your heart... and you just aren't sure this is it.
Where you are supposed to be.

But you're not sure it's not, either. And you start to wonder why you can't just be happy with where you are. It's actually a really good place to be. Why does your heart feels like it's missing something? What is it? How did all those past experiences lead to this? Is this it? If it is, why doesn't it feel that way?

It's been a year at World Vision. There are Ladybugs I love, who love me. An amazing core group. Seattle friends. Even people who have recently told me they admire and look up to me. That I did not expect. Why, then, do I still feel like something is missing? It has been nagging at me for months. Probably years. I can't shake it and I can't figure it out. Something has to give soon because I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Sometimes I wish I could turn off my brain.

Let the waters rise

The past couple of weeks have been tough. Feeling inadequate, and irritated with myself for feeling unsatisfied, I have been clinging to this promise: "When I don't measure up to much in this life, I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ." (Sanctus Real)

When the raging sea is right in front of me trying to pull me in, despite the reality I see, God, I know Your reality is different. And I know You will be next to me. So, let the waters rise if You want them to. Jesus, bring the rain. You were faithful before. You will be faithful again.
I will follow You.


Let The Waters Rise - Mikeschair

Don't know where to begin
It's like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?

Sometimes it's so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
'Cause You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach

God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

Ohhh

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

Ohhh

Save a Place for Me

I love you Mom, and I miss you. Happy birthday. ~H


Save a Place for Me - Matthew West

Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I have asked the question why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here
And I wanna live my life just like you did
Make the most of my time just like you did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there
Until I get there

Stand for You

Stand For You - Johnny Diaz

So long politics it's time to start being me
Take the chains off my lips it's time to set my tongue free
Some might just turn their heads but some will raise a fist
And You told me to stand so I won't back down from this
They say there are no absolutes but are they absolutely sure

In a world that tries to water You down
Where beliefs cannot be spoken to loud
I'll stand for truth
Where they claim Your way isn't wide enough
And they do their best just to cover You up
I'll stand for You

Hello reality it's time we embrace honesty
Teach me to speak with truth and love and with humility
You made a promise that You're coming back to earth
So how selfish am I if I don't go tell the world
They say just be sincere but could they all just be sincerely wrong

They might remove Your name from money
But You own it all the same
They kicked You out of school that's funny
Cause how could You go away
In a land that's built upon Your word
It's amazing You've been banned
To think that we control You is absurd
So for truth I'm here to stand

Sing, Sing, Sing!

Sing, Sing, Sing - Chris Tomlin

We will sing, sing, sing
And make music with the heavens
We will sing, sing, sing
Grateful that You hear us
When we shout your praise
Lift high the name of Jesus

What's not to love about You?
Heaven and earth adore You
Kings and kingdoms bow down
Son of God, You are the One
You are the One we're living for

You are the love that frees us
You are the light that leads us
Like a fire burning
Son of God, You are the one
You are the one we're living for