the shadow proves the sunshine

Cape Point, South Africa - 2006

"Oh Lord, why did You forsake me?
Oh Lord, don't be far away.
Storm clouds gathering beside me.
Please Lord, don't look the other way.

Crooked soul, trying to stay up straight.
Dry eyes in the pouring rain.
The shadow proves the sunshine."
- Switchfoot

Cape Town has a significant place in my heart, for it was there that I learned to trust my God. Really trust him. Sometimes I thought the shadows were too dark, but the sunshine was always brighter.

In my dark days over the past few years it was Switchfoot's music, and in particular this song, that kept me in the light. I was listening to the Nothing Is Sound album on the way to their show tonight, and reflecting on the meaning this song has for me. But I had no idea until tonight when it was highlighted in "Fading West" that this song was written in Cape Town.

Through storm clouds and pouring rain, through darkness and loneliness, God I know you have not forsaken me. When I thought the shadows couldn't get any darker, you would let a beam of light shine in to carry me through. The shadow proves the sunshine.

don't give up

(Photo credit: http://tinyurl.com/m5st9ya)

"Sometimes a crowded room can feel the most alone." - Mat Kearney

Not feeling very brave today. 

Have you ever felt that feeling that everyone you know has people who are much more important to them than you are? 

I think it has only just hit me lately - now that classes and work have slowed down and everyone else is on vacation - that I am very much alone. I have few close family ties to speak of and few close friends who live in the same city. Kinda sucks. Happy hour by yourself isn't very happy. 

A friend of mine whose husband recently died wrote a blog post about how she feels now that she is "nobody's #1." That's how I have felt ever since my mom died 7 years ago. I know that I am nobody's first priority. But I don't think I fully felt the impact of that until now. Maybe it's just much more obvious now that most of my friends are married or in relationships or live other places and don't have time for me. And sitting by oneself in medical clinic rooms gives much opportunity for this realization.

In my head I know that I am God's priority, but it doesn't really feel like it. 

Like I said: not feeling very brave today. 

Brave: courageous

"When we are put to the test, it is the one thing that we must always be." - Brave trailer

I finally saw it for the first time tonight and loved this movie. Not just because of my Scottish heritage, and not just because it was an outdoor movie on a beautiful summer evening by the lake.

(Photo from: http://tinyurl.com/cfqml9q)

I loved Brave because of the themes of building and nurturing strong relationships, of caring for others, of listening to and learning to understand one another, of learning from our (and others') mistakes, of the value of peace in communities, and of goodness winning over darkness. 

My theme for this year is courage. I want to be courageous in the face of darkness and to use my life to foster strong relationships, caring communities, and peace on earth. 

God, help me to be brave.

Hope is hard work

Good words from the blog of a friend: 
http://hootenannie.com/2013/07/self-arresting/

"We tend to think of “hope” as a positive feeling, one of potential and possibility and the anticipation that tomorrow will be better than today. But I’m realizing that hope is actually a painful emotion – because by its very definition, the thing we are longing for is not.

If it was, there would be no need for hope at all.

Hope is hard work. It’s an acknowledgement that things are not the way we wish they were – and yet, that it might not always feel this way. It’s a willingness to carry the uncomfortable burden of imperfection. It’s anticipation with no guarantee.

Maybe more than anything, it’s simply a decision against resignation.

So I dig in my fingers, dig in my toes, and self-arrest before hitting the bottom. There is so much more ahead, and I want to know what it is – because what if it’s worth seeing?"

Amen, sister. 

Courage and Hope

(Photo cred: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=629202340425349&set=a.255575047788082.76072.166174666728121&type=1&theater)

I'll be found in you

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in You still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through, I'll be found in You
- Brook Fraser