Put me in, Coach!

I had an epiphany yesterday. And let me tell you, it has helped so much! Refocused my perspective and put some peace back in my soul. Not because it is a new revelation, but because I am finally able to verbalize the emotions I have been feeling for months. That is a relief in and of itself because half of my frustration came from not being able to articulate why I was so frustrated. The gist of it is this: the job frustration is not coming from the minor annoyances (IEX, etc.), but from the fact that deep in my soul I long not to be sitting on the bench but to be a participant in God's work in this world. Working at World Vision, the irony is that I am surrounded by people who are on the field (or, literally, in the field) and I get to hear their stories all the time, but I am on the bench and don't get to join in playing the game. That is hard. I have been training and practicing and warming up - and I even got to play in a few minor league games. But now I am anxious to join the big leagues and play! I don't understand why, God, but you are not ready for me to do that yet. And after running the half marathon this weekend, I understand the importance of training, building strength and endurance, stretching, learning... So I will wait on the sidelines for awhile longer. But I pray that in this time you will prepare me, God, because "I'm anticipating a time when it will be my turn ... think that I'll save the world" (Brooke Fraser).