How do you let go of a dream? Particularly one that you have not allowed yourself to dream?

To be able to let go of something, you have to acknowledge that it exists. But if you acknowledge that it exists and let go of it anyway, that inherently causes pain. I am tired of pain. I have, unfortunately, developed a talent for crying unnoticeably. I have stopped allowing myself to hope for the things I really want. If you don't hope for something, there is no disappointment when it doesn't happen. I have numbed myself because at least that is one thing I do have control over. No valleys, but no mountain tops, either. Just dull monotony. I know you say you will not let me experience more than I can bear. But I wonder if there will ever be a time that I don't feel this constant sadness and loneliness just under the surface... I know you say that you won't forget about me. So why does it feel like you have forgotten about me?

I wish I could say that "half of me's all about apathy and the other half just doesn't care." But in reality I do care. This is not who I wanted to be or where I wanted to be. Truth be told I don't like who I am or where I am. And I feel powerless to change things. God, how do I continue to go on like this? To wake up and drag myself to work every morning at a job that my heart just isn't in? I feel guilty and greedy wishing for something better. It could definitely be worse. But I can't shake the feeling that this can't be it. Is this it, God? It just doesn't feel right to me. It doesn't fit. I don't feel like I belong here. I used to be optimistic about life and excited about the possibilities for my career. Why can't I feel that way anymore? Something feels wrong but I don't know how to fix it. Please help me God.

"I feel like I would like to be somewhere else doing something that matters..." - Relient K (More Than Useless)