It all matters

Do Everything - Steven Curtis Chapman

You’re picking up toys on the living room floor
for the 15th time today
Matching up socks and sweeping up lost
Cheerios that got away
You put a baby on your hip and color on your lips
and head out the door
And while I may not know you I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes does it matter at all
We’ll let me remind you it all matters just as long as you

Do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you to do
Every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do

OOoh ooooh oooooh

Maybe you’re that guy with the suit and tie
Maybe your shirt says your name
You may be hooking up mergers, cooking up burgers
But at the end of the day

Little stuff big stuff in between stuff
God sees it all the same
And while I may not know you I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes does it matter at all
We’ll let me remind you it all matters just as long as you do

Everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you
To do every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace with every move that you make
And every little thing that you do

Well maybe you’re sitting in math class
Maybe anekatips on a mission in the Congo
Maybe you’re working at the office
Singing along with the radio
Maybe you’re dining at a five star
Or feeding orphans in Myanmar
Anywhere and everywhere you are
Whatever you do it all matters
So do what you do and don’t ever forget
to do

Everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you to do
Every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace as you do
Everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you to do
Every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace with every move that you make
And every little thing that you do

Ooh oooooh
Every little thing you do

You love me anyway...

You Love Me Anyway - Sidewalk Prophets

The question was raised
As my conscience fell
A silly, little lie
It didn’t mean much
But it lingers still
In the corners of my mind

Still you call me to walk
On the edge of this world
To spread my dreams and fly
But the future’s so far
My heart is so frail
I think I’d rather stay inside

But You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known
You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me
How You love me

It took more than my strength
To simply be still
To seek but never find
All the reasons we change
The reasons I doubt
And why do loved ones have to die?

But You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known
You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

I am the thorn in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas’s kiss
But You love me anyway

See now, I am the man that called out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then, I turned away with this smile on my face
With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night, I still called out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

But You love me anyway
Oh, God… how you love me

You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known
You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

You love me, You love me
You love me, You love me
How You love me
How You love me
How You love me

Mercies in disguise

When I first heard this song on the radio, I felt like it was written for me. I get so frustrated when I don't feel you, God. And that last line - "the rain, the storms, the hardest nights..." - touches an ache in my own heart. I remember that night in Port Elizabeth on my bunk in the dark. My heart pounding. Panic. Wondering where you were and what was happening. Tossing over and over in my mind thoughts of mom not being in my life anymore. That is the longest, hardest night I have lived through. I remember the rain. Pouring down on us, as if the skies had opened up. I felt so small in Africa. And alone. I remember the suffering. The sleepless nights. The tears. Thousands of tears. I doubted you and I couldn't understand why you were letting darkness win. But walking through those trials taught me things about you I couldn't have learned any other way. I learned about your character and your faithfulness. I matured and my faith matured. I still don't understand why things happened the way they did, but now I can see your hand in that part of my story. I can see that your blessings did come through those Africa-sized raindrops. Your healing did come through my tears on those long red roads in the Eastern Cape. Your mercy did come through the trials I faced then and still face. God, you are always faithful. You never give up on me even when I doubt you. I know that the aching of this life can't be healed on earth. But just like that pristine beach at the end of the path in Coffee Bay where you gave me rest, I know that when this life is through and I come home to you, you will finally heal all the hurts of this life and give my soul peace. You love me way too much to give me lesser things.

Blessings - Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Put me in, Coach!

I had an epiphany yesterday. And let me tell you, it has helped so much! Refocused my perspective and put some peace back in my soul. Not because it is a new revelation, but because I am finally able to verbalize the emotions I have been feeling for months. That is a relief in and of itself because half of my frustration came from not being able to articulate why I was so frustrated. The gist of it is this: the job frustration is not coming from the minor annoyances (IEX, etc.), but from the fact that deep in my soul I long not to be sitting on the bench but to be a participant in God's work in this world. Working at World Vision, the irony is that I am surrounded by people who are on the field (or, literally, in the field) and I get to hear their stories all the time, but I am on the bench and don't get to join in playing the game. That is hard. I have been training and practicing and warming up - and I even got to play in a few minor league games. But now I am anxious to join the big leagues and play! I don't understand why, God, but you are not ready for me to do that yet. And after running the half marathon this weekend, I understand the importance of training, building strength and endurance, stretching, learning... So I will wait on the sidelines for awhile longer. But I pray that in this time you will prepare me, God, because "I'm anticipating a time when it will be my turn ... think that I'll save the world" (Brooke Fraser).

Disconnect

Funny how fast moods can change. I was enjoying life until about 3 weeks ago. Yesterday I had a minor meltdown. I knew it would happen. Things were going too well. "I'm so happy and... something bad is going to happen." - Charlotte, Sex and the City.

Getting so frustrated with my job. I feel stuck. Is it too much to hope for a career? Or at least a job that isn't so restrictive? I feel like I am in middle school again, with tardy policies and bathroom passes. Very Big Brother. And I resent that the department I work in is treated like the red-headed stepkid. Sigh.

I sit in chapel and am told that I should be a Mary instead of a Martha. That I should be an encourager. That I should learn how to resolve conflict with those around me and focus on relationships instead of production. I hear coworkers in the audience voice their agreement. I shake my head in amazement. Newsflash: I am a Mary (stopping to smell the roses - or photograph them). I am an encourager (which, as I wrote in my Elder application, has been confirmed multiple times - even through prophecy). I already know (and teach others - hello, 4 years of ROM) how to resolve conflict. "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills" (Zoolander). These are the things I am that I feel like aren't valued in my current job. All that is expected of me is production. Nurturing relationships is discouraged. Sigh.

I don't want to be ungrateful. I realize that a lot of people don't have jobs. But I am dissatisfied. Unhappy. Not realizing my potential. At the end of chapel today, Rich told us to be happy. So there is a disconnect between what I am being told and the reality I am living. I don't really know what to do about it. Cut ties and run away? Stick it out and be frustrated? I know, I know. I should be happy. I should "let go and let God." I should pray.

But what if I don't feel like it? Being in a bad mood is apparently really good for my numbers: 56 kana emails today and yesterday. Yikes. Still, I feel like I am banging my head on the wall. Over and over and over. Cancelling sponsorships. Updating addresses. Telling people how to send letters to their sponsored children... It never ends. I will answer the same questions tomorrow that I answered today and yesterday and the day before... Incessant questions. Incessant emails. Sure - me answering emails somehow helps babies in Africa get fed. But is this really my purpose in life?

Listening to Croatian music on my ipod today made me want to cry. I miss my past life.

"Don't worry, you will find the answer if you let it go
Give yourself some time to falter
But don't forgo knowing that you're loved no matter what
And everything will come around in time"
- Sarah McLachlan, Perfect Girl

Blessed

Sitting here in the Burke Museum cafe, I am thinking about the shift in my attitude of late. Even a month ago I would spend my waking hours dreaming of being in other countries... anywhere but here. But as the trip to Peru neared, I noticed that I started to think about the things I love so dearly about Seattle. Once in Peru, the things I love about here were magnified. Although I am so glad I went to Peru, I was ready to come home. I have not felt like that at the end of a trip for a long time. Probably not since before I went to Croatia (left the U.S.) for the first time.

Now here I sit, appreciating all the things about this amazing place I call home. I am so blessed. On top of providing for my basic needs, God, you have outdone yourself giving me wonderful friends, a family that loves me, a great church family, a roof over my head - with a view of lake and mountains!, fresh air to breathe, good food, clean water, flushing toilets, health care, a good education, and a good job that allows me to serve you and your people who are in need. I am so blessed.

It is true. As stated by a friend of mine earlier today, "Once you have been outside the country, you always want to go again." I know I will always have the desire to explore new places and new countries. But for now, instead of wishing to be somewhere else, I am content to live this life I have been given and enjoy the bountiful blessings of this place.














Olympic Mountains and Ferry on Puget Sound
Seattle, WA - 2010

You make beautiful things out of the dust

Just back from Peru, working with a team from UPC and Food for the Hungry. This song captures our time in Lima and Catorce de Febrero.



















Bird of Paradise - Chaclacayo, Peru
March 2011

Beautiful Things - Gungor

All this pain
I wonder if I'll ever find my way?
I wonder if my life could really change at all?
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found?
Could a garden come up from this ground at all?

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

Oh, you make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
Making me new

You make beautiful things
(You make me new)
You make beautiful things out of the dust
(You are making me new, making me new)

You make beautiful things
(You make me new)
You make beautiful things out of us
(You are making me new, making me new)

Oh, you make beautiful things
(You make me new)
You make beautiful things out of the dust
(You are making me new, making me new)

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new